i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
