Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
