Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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