My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
