Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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