My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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