just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
