Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
