And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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