i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
