Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
