remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Randomize