Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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