We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize