Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
