he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
