I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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