we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
