it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize