Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
