Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
