No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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