Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
