We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
