what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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