So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
