you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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