Welp...herpes.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
