So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
