I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Can i not drive my cunt home
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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