We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
