So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
