If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
