Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
