So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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