btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
