from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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