he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
