you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
