I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
