its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
