my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
