I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
