I want to walk on stilts...naked
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
