I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
