so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
