I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
