So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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