I should be sponsored by Trojan
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
