Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
