Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
