Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
