I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
