You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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