distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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