If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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