Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
well I can't set my house on fire every night
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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