it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
