and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
