dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
