Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
