my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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