You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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