She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
