I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
