Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize