We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
