I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
BRING THE BAGELS
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
