he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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