He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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