Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
