Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
