i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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