Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize