I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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