You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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