some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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