I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
