so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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