ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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