I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
