I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
